Good morning

My huge belly has made it hard to sleep during the night. Each time I roll over I feel sharp aches and pains.  The morning comes too soon. I barely squint my eyes open to kiss Jeff goodbye and then go back to sleep. A pitter-pattering of feet tell me Tave is awake. Early, early, early. But he climbs into bed with me and snuggles right up to my back. I turn over so I can see his face and he gives me a smile with those two fingers still in his mouth. "Good morning, buddy. You okay sleeping for a little bit more?" I ask. "Yup." is his response.  So I close my eyes and quickly fall back asleep, again.
5 minutes later I feel a tap, tap, tap. Tave is poking me in the arm.  "Mom, mom, mom" (until I open my eyes).
"What's up, bud?"
"I love you. You're my best mom ever." My heart melts. Really, how can I be mad that my sleep is interrupted for that.
He snuggles even closer and I close my eyes again. Oh man, I am so tired in the mornings.
Tave stays with me like this and every so often he rubs my arm, or plays with my hair, or rubs my back. Each only lasts for a minute or so. But they are his sweet way of trying to help me sleep.
A little bit later I hear another voice.... "Mooom, mom, mom, mom, mooooom" from Ryder's room.
This kiddo is a 7 ON THE DOT alarm clock.  
Tave JUMPS up. "Mom, can I go play with Ryder"
"Sure, thanks Tavester."
Tave's sweet words to his brother warm my heart and pretty soon I hear them playing. Tave has thrown books, toys, and whatever Ryder asks for into the crib. Sometimes this lasts for 2 minutes, most often 10 minutes, and on a few rare days an entire half hour.
However long it lasts, when Ryder is ready to get out of bed he will call to me: "Mom, mom, all done. ALL DONE!!"
I roll my achy body out of bed, and hobble into his room.  (mornings are really hard  right now, I really really hurt in lots of places). Ryder and Tave both grin up at me and I give them  hugs.  We open the curtains and let the sunshine in.  I close Weston's door so he can sleep in until he's ready to get up.  He's my sleeper.  He loves it. About half the time he'll sleep in for another 20 minutes or so. The other half of the time, he will come racing into Ryder's room the minute he hears both brothers are in there together. I love that. When all three of them are talking and playing and laughing together. Those sweet moments in the morning are such a perfect start to the day.
After I get him out of bed, Ryder brings me a book.  I sit on the floor to read it.  The boys try to cram into my lap (it doesn't work) and Ryder keeps trying to scoot back to get more comfortable, but there is nowhere to go...his baby brother in my belly is taking up the room. It's pretty funny, though, and after a few tries, I move him over to the side. Then we all  read stories together.
It is simple. And  not anything extraordinary. But to me, our mornings are magical.
I love the cuddles with Tave. The sweet words. How happy and excited they are to see each other and me.  I love hearing each of them say 'good morning' and their answers to my questions of "how did you sleep last night?" and "did you have any dreams?"
Someday, I will get enough sleep at night. I will not have an achy, tired, pregnant body keeping me in bed, and my kiddos won't always be my alarm clock (and snooze button!)
But for right now, what we have is perfect.
And I don't want to forget it.

Thankful Thoughts 5

I am a dreamer.  I dream pretty  much every night. Most of the time I'll remember them for a little bit or just bits and pieces and then I forget them. I kind of hate it because I wake up feeling like I did things instead of sleep.  Since becoming pregnant they have been more vivid and strange than usual.

And last night's dream was not great. In fact, it was really horrible.
It was very real and very scary.
I had a miscarriage.
And it was awful.
I woke up shaking and it took me a second to figure out where I was.
But then it came to me: I was in my bed, 3 little boys sound asleep, and 1 hubby already off to work. Darn it. I really needed a hug.
Relief flooded over me and I said a prayer of gratitude that I was, indeed, still pregnant.
This little lima bean sure has made things crazy,  exhausting, and I feel awful.
But I will take that, any day, over  having lost him/her.
I am so grateful to have this little one growing inside of me.

Stuff

In my blog browsing today, I came upon a link to the blog Pancakes & Frenchfries.  I've never read her writings before and I don't think I'll follow a stranger. But I also don't think it was just a coincidence that I happened upon this particular post entitled Unstyled Life.
If you don't feel like reading it (though you should), she writes about a friend whose parents both died. It doesn't give specifics about their death, she talks more about the after. The cleaning up and going through all of their belongings. What if someone were to have to do that for you?
It was very thought provoking and made me think about how much STUFF we have that we don't need or use.
Then I read this comment from a  reader:

The more stuff you own, the more it owns you. I hope to always have what I need, but not much more. It’s part of why I like owning a small house, because it forces you to only keep what’s necessary. I don’t have a ton of room for junk. Honestly, if I could find a smaller house I would be even happier.



It was like a bolt of lightening lit up the room and I realized that I can be like that.  I can appreciate this house that is getting too small, that we will be bringing another baby home to. Another person to fill it with their junk, or not. I can be so very glad that we live here, because it can help me to become the organized, minimalist person that I want to be inside but haven't been able to translate to reality.
So I am off to purge some closets and truly get rid of those things that have been sitting, waiting for their day to be useful. Because it's not happening at my house, so I might as well give them their chance at another's.

Thankful Thoughts 3

Our disposal has been out. You don't realize how much you use something until you can't. 
So tonight I am beyond thankful for a husband who does the dirty jobs.
Cleaning out and fixing the disposal, taking out the trash, the diapers, the nasty stinky things, fixing the toilet, cleaning out our clogged up drains.
If it is gross, it is his job.
I know he doesn't like it, but he does it.
Because he loves me.
and I love him all the more for it.

Thankful Thoughts 2

This is going to be brief because I am so tired.
But today I am so thankful for technology. For the ability we have to keep in touch with those we love who live far-away. Between blogs, facebook, the telephone, texting, email, etc..we are able to know and see what's going on in their daily lives. I know there are definite negatives to all of this technology, but right now I am feeling so blessed that I have relationships with people I never would get to see or meet or visit very often, otherwise.

Thankful Thoughts

Well, there is no better way to get started again after a 2 month hiatus then to just get to it.
Since November is the wonderful month of Gratitude, I thought I would post my daily thankful thoughts.
My days have been long and tiring and it is so hard having Jeff gone as much as he is. SO. HARD.
This will be good for me to recognize that great blessings are mine and I have the choice to appreciate them or bask in self pity. I'm choosing the former.

My thankful thoughts today are centered on our health.
In a world full of scary things like cancer, major dietary allergies, and every type of disorder you can imagine, all five of us have our health. Wow. That is pretty amazing.
We have been blessed with  bodies that can walk, run, exercise, play hard, and do pretty much anything we ask of them physically. (age appropriate of course)
I have recently read of so many families whose children are born with heart defects, missing genetics that cause rare diseases, cancer, and loss of limbs, burn victims, and a plethora problems.  My heart goes out to them. I do not truly understand their pain and the daily frustrations they live with. But I sincerely pray for them, and hold my boys a little tighter when I realize how fortunate we are.
Trials come in many sorts and sizes.
I am so grateful that we have been blessed with our health.

What dreams may come...

So I dream pretty much every night. Usually they are crazy and I only remember bits and pieces.
A few nights ago, however, I remembered everything.
Because I dreamed I was having triplets.
Yup, triplets.
You'd think that I would be freaking out in my dream state.
I mean, three babies at once - how would I feed them, bathe them, care for them, and oh yeah - take care of my other three children. (all while Jeff is in permanent school/work mode)
But nope.
I wasn't worried about any of that.
The one and only thing I was worried about was what to name them.
Remember how we always have the hardest time naming our kids.
Well try naming three at once.
hahahaha.
It was really funny.
And in case you wondering, I now know what I will name 1 girl and 2 boys or 2 girls and 1 boy.
My dream mind was still working on three of the same gender.

ps this is not an announcement!

Everyday Miracles

A little while back Jeff and I  made the decision for me to stop selling my handmade items. It seemed like an easy choice at the time - I had so many orders over the holidays last year that all my spare time was spent crocheting. It was a blessing, but it also was a burden on my little family and they missed out on having their mommy around for Christmas. Oh I was there, but I wasn't really there.  
You can read more about that decision here.
Well...a few weeks ago I received an email from Bijou Market inviting me to apply for a spot in the upcoming market. I have done their Fall Holiday Market for the past 2 years and it has always been a great source of income for our family. At Christmas time, that is especially welcome and we have made more than enough to cover all of Christmas/traveling/etc.
So the thoughts started rolling around in my brain:  How can we make this work? What if I just stick to the owl rattles and the hats? What if I spend X amount of time per week and don't do custom orders....etc, etc.
You get the idea.  We contemplated all of our options and were leaning towards doing the market.
Just this last one. To help. With Christmas.
Except.
Except we had prayed. We had made this decision before.
We felt the peace that comes from knowing we made the right choice.
And that wouldn't go away.
I struggled for a few days.
We are doing okay financially, Jeff has a steady, good job. But we are students. Looking at 3 more years of debt. And this would help with that as well.
What to do...what to do...
Then I read these beautiful words from my sister in her post: Lately.  (Go read it. Please.)
She quoted me. She quoted my post about choosing not to work.
And I knew without a doubt that the decision we had made months ago still applied today.
We felt that beautiful peace again and we knew that we could make it work.
Somehow.

Last week, the everyday miracle came.
The assurance that we made the right choice for our little family and our sweet boys.
Jeff's doctorate started this month.  He has to have at least two internships. This while teaching seminary 3/4 time and taking full time classes.  Usually, they have to be unpaid internships (due to S&I (Jeff's work) rules).

He was called by one of the professors in his program who we respect very much.  (He is also in our ward and we adore his family.)
This Professor offered him a paid internship.
And Jeff's work approved.

I mentioned to Jeff that this might have been an answer to prayer and to our decision for me not to work.
Then on Sunday, that *might have been* turned into reality.  For a rare moment I was in Sacrament with only one child.  Tave was sitting quietly and I was able to really listen to the talk.  A sister in our ward spoke on recognizing the everyday miracles that occur in our lives.
I loved her thoughts and what she shared.
But I loved more, the overwhelming Spirit I felt that told me that the blessing of the internship was a direct result of our choice.
Tears came to my eyes and my heart was full.


Heavenly Father knows our family. He knows are needs.
I know that we are being blessed because we chose for my work to be our children.

I am truly in awe of the miracles that occur, daily, in our lives.