Tuesday, October 28, 2008

i...

I am having a hard time writing down my thoughts at the moment. I sit down and the words just do not come. So.
I am doing another list. Yet again.
But I really like this one. A lot. It says things so simply.
Someday, when my children read this, they will understand me a little bit more. I hope.

Here goes:

i...

i am.... grateful
i think... who we are is reflected in what we do
i know... i am loved
i want... my family to all live by each other
i have... my dream guy
i dislike... pessimism
i miss... my family that isn't close
i fear... failure
i feel... happy
i hear.... sweet baby babbles
i smell... coconut...mmm
i crave.... understanding
i cry... when i am inspired by others strength
i usually... talk too much
i enjoy... walks with my boys
i search... for my hidden talent
i wonder.... what my relationship with my boys will be like as they get older
i regret... worrying about things i cannot change
i love... my life
i worry... what kind of world my children will inherit
i am not... always who i want to be
i remember... little things that mean a lot
i believe... in Jesus Christ
i dance... with 2 little boys in the living room
i don't... have my house organized like i want to
i write... because i love it
i win... some and lose some
i lose... my mind more often than not!
i am trying... to become
i always...give kisses
i rarely...get everything done on my lists
i never... say things how i mean them
i wish... i was always optimistic (I'm working on this one)
i listen... to lots of different music
i don't understand... a lot of things
i can usually be found... reading a book
i am scared... of losing my family
i need to lose... my impatience
i forget... to keep track of time
i dream... of vacations with family
i am happy... to be me

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Wow!!

This amazing lady, Liz, is giving away a quilt on her blog.
That is right.
A quilt.
It is gorgeous and oh so cozy.
I can just picture myself snuggled up with my honey in it.

Wonder of Words

I saw this on a friend's blog and thought it would be a fun one to do.
You are supposed to answer each questions with ONE word! Anyone can participate. How much of a wonder are you with words?

1. Where is your cell phone? squished
2. Where is your significant other? teaching
3. Your hair? sleek (haha, i wish)
4. Your mother? talented
5. You father? hardworking
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? bizarre
8. Your dream/goal? celestial
9. The room you're in? cozy
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? loss
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? family
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you're not? non-emotional
15. One of your wish list items? tickets
16. Where you grew up? California
17. The last thing you did? nursed
18. What you're wearing? green
19. Your TV? off
20. Your pet? toys
21. Your computer? humming
22. What do you think of tags like this? enjoy
23. Your mood? content
24. Missing someone? family
25. Where would you rather be? here
26. Something you're not wearing right now? shoes
27. Favorite store? Target
28. Your summer? perfect
29. Love someone? three
30. Favorite color? pink
31. The last time you laughed? lunch
32. Who will participate? YOU!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Some thoughts...


I must admit,
in the aftermath of pregnancy I have not been overly thrilled with any pictures of myself.
Until now.
And it was taken by a 2 year old photographer.
My silly Weston took this picture. He has decided that picture taking is preferential to actually being in the picture himself. (Oh no, is this some horrible side-effect to crazy-picture-addicted-mommy-syndrome?! What have I done?!)
It doesn't change the fact that this is due:
Thanks, Weston. You made mommy's day!


Okay. Now on to the rest of things. The rest of things...what am I getting at today?

When I set up this blog my head was filled to overflowing with ideas of things to post about. Things that I wanted to remember. Things I cared about. Things that made me smile. Good things. Even great things.

And now. I am stuck. Where did all those ideas go?
Maybe it comes down to this:
I have been thinking a lot lately.
But writing those thinks...
Well.
That is another matter.

What I have been thinking about: Family. Love. Acceptance. Frustrations. Joys. Forgiveness. Gratitude. Life. Moments. Happiness.

Let's start with:

Family
What does family mean? Not just my little family of four, but family- siblings, parents, in-laws. All of it: family.
What do you do for family? What does the word family compel you to feel? To do?

I grew up with amazing parents. Parents who were not perfect, but loved me in the perfect way that they knew how. We played, laughed, cried, hugged, learned, loved. And we grew. We grew in our understanding of each other. In our love for each other. And our respect for one another. And they gave me an idea, a motto, a standard, if you will:
Family comes first. Always.

I didn't recognize it at first. But I began to see it in the little things they would do. How my dad would work all day Saturday on my grandparents car. How my mom would spend hours, days, weeks on a beautiful, handmade item to give to her sister. How they would give of themselves freely, no matter the cost to themselves. My parents would drop anything for a family member. Always.
Sometimes, I would ask "Can't you just say no, once?" And my mom and dad would always say: Family comes first.

This idea, this standard, has grown with me. The things we do to show we care may have changed from playing outside together, attending each others' special events (ball-games, parties, wrestling matches, etc). to babysitting for each other, time spent together, phone calls, emails, a note in the mail. But it is there, just the same. And always, it includes giving. Giving lots and lots of love and giving of ourselves.

I will be the first to admit that I am still a work in progress. I do not give like I ought and am continually learning what it means to love.

I do believe this, though: We have a loving Heavenly Father. And he sent us here in family groups for a reason. He knows us each personally. He knows our strengths and our weaknesses. He knows who we are and he knows who we need to become in order to return to Him. And he knows how to get us there: Our family.
We are here to help each other along this crazy, wonderful adventure called life.

How grateful I am for family:

For my amazing parents who taught me and continue to teach me about love, about forgiveness, and about hope.
For my fabulous mother and father-in-law who have loved me from day one and made me feel like one of their own, who are such amazing examples to Jeff and I and our sweet boys. I have heard of in-law horror stories...but I don't know or understand what people are talking about. I have been so blessed to have the most wonderful, caring 'Second parents'. They listen, they care, they love. And I truly love them.
For my sisters & sister-in-laws who care, who play with my kiddos with me, who make time for me, who call just to say hi, who send fun cards, who listen, laugh and cry with me, just when I need it most..
For my brothers & bro-in-laws who constantly make me laugh, whose random phone calls make my day, and who love me enough to tell me so out-loud. (as difficult as that is for brothers to say!) who take time out of their busy, busy schedule to help us out, give a blessing, and play with Weston on long days.


For my dear, sweet little boys who teach me how to have fun every single day, who show me how truly wonderful it is to be a mom, and push me to be the best mommy to them that I can be.

And most especially, I am grateful for my amazing and wonderful husband. He is everything to me and I am so grateful to a kind, wise Heavenly Father who knew the person I would need. A person who loves me, takes care of me, laughs with me, gets ice cream for me, swings as high in the sky as he can with me, and makes my life so much better because he is in it. He loves me as I am but helps me on this journey of becoming.

How truly lucky I am to have this big, wonderful family.
You know, luck has nothing to do with it.


Now. As I said before, I have been having lots and lots of thoughts. And part of those thoughts include the fact that we all make choices. And there are consequences. Even as I write this I know that there are people who don't have family members who are encouraging, or loving, or even kind. Heavenly Father knows that too. Isn't it amazing that he knows each and every one of us. He knows if we need a teacher, a friend, a neighbor, or a stranger to touch our lives.
I am comforted by that thought. But it is late, and that is for another post.

Good night.