Clean

Today was a super busy day. It was good-busy, but boy am I tired. I'm still not completely over being sick and wow...this day wiped me out.
We came home from everything and the house was a disaster.
So I had to clean. I had to.
I just loooove a clean house.
Sitting down and relaxing after giving everything a good scrub is such a wonderful feeling. So much effort went into this moment of complete cleanliness.

And truly-- it is just a moment.

Because pretty soon kiddos will be waking up and getting out the toys, meals will be made, dishes dirtied, and clothes spilled on.
So I'm just going to bask in the clean while it lasts.
And then appreciate that I have a family to clean up after.

A choice

So I woke up this morning feeling miserable. Miserable. Still. And Jeff had to go to work.
The kids have to be fed, and changed, and played with, and cuddled, and loved when the only thing I really want to do is climb back in bed and cry myself to sleep.
I decided that I could either be sick & miserable or sick & happy.
I'm choosing sick & happy.

So here goes.

Here are the few positive things that come from being sick:

• Jeff did get to stay home from work 1 day to take care of me. It was heaven, aside from the feeling sick part.
• I don't feel the least bit guilty over not cleaning my house.
• We have an excuse to watch movies all day long.
• Weston has been giving me hugs and kisses all morning because he knows I'm sick.
• I lost a few pounds in 2 days. Nice.
• I'm realizing just how wonderful it is to be healthy.

I'm praying my kiddos take long naps.

Have a fabulous day!

Loved

For the past couple of days I have been sick.
It's not fun. Not fun at all.
Especially when my little guy is sick too. He's usually such a happy, happy baby. But being sick gets to even the best of us. And he doesn't do sick well.

But I have the most wonderful, kind, caring husband who has wiped noses (the boys, not mine), changed diapers, made meals, played with the boys, woken up many many times during the night to go get Tave and help him be more comfortable, and taken care of me on a day when I needed it most. He was even able to take the day off. I sure feel special.

Thank you, Jeff. I may feel pretty blah right now, but even more than that... I feel loved.

To become a mother

I never fully appreciated and valued all that my mother did for me until I became a mother myself.
When my first, sweet little baby was placed in my arms, my entire life changed. My life became more about him than about me.
And I began to learn (and am still learning) the joy that comes from sacrificing for ones children.
Sacrificing time, money, immediate wants & desires, more clothing, bigger vacations, more vacations, movies anytime, dates anytime, sleep, sleep, sleep, my body, more schooling, and the many other 'comforts' of child-less life.

They are worth it. Worth all of this and more.
Because what I gain makes up for any sacrifice I have to make to get it. I may lose a few hours of sleep, a few years of time to do whatever I please.
But I am becoming a mother.
And I wouldn't want any other job in the world.

Gift giving

Head on over to my family blog to find out what the Giftyness meme is all about.
Hopefully YOU will join in on the fun!

Happy Thoughts

Some things that have made me smile over the past few days:

• My husband getting me Costa Vida for dinner yesterday. Delicious. and I didn't have to cook.
• Weston asked me to wear a headband today and when I put it on he said "Mommy so pretty." That pretty much made my day.
• Tave clapping and dancing and smiling all the time. I am such a lucky momma.
• My mom is spending the night. It's always so good to see her and to talk.
• Sweet phone calls from people just saying hello. It feels good to be called. Thank you, thank you.
• I've actually been keeping up with this blog. Except for the one day I missed. But that's pretty much amazing for me.
• Cinnamon rolls left on my doorstep. How did I get such good friends? My whole family thanks you!!
• I've finished a bunch of projects.
• I made some more stuff for my etsy shop. Yup, I'm opening an etsy shop. It was going to be opened in February...but March is looking more like it. I am so excited and everytime I work on my items I get even more excited. Hopefully everyone likes it...
• Building up our food storage. I love adding a few cans to that shelf. It feels so good.
• My hubby helped with the dishes. He is so good about helping with the cleaning, the cooking, the kiddos, and pretty much everything.
• My hair is finally starting to grow a little more. I've been cutting it to grow... you know, so it's healthy-long. But it's taking so much time!!! I finally feel like I have a little bit of length, yay!
• We got the van fixed. There was a lot of little things wrong that added up to a big bill...but it feels so good to have it done. (thank you tax-return)
• I ordered my diaper bag. I am sososososososo excited for it to come in the mail!!!!! I have been searching for the perfect bag for 3, yes 3 whole years. Thanks to Amy for finding it and not minding that we will be 'matchy-matchy green squared'. (name that movie...)
• It was sunny and *light jacket* only weather today. Beautiful.
• Playing ticket to ride with Jeff and my mom. I love that game.
• Going to church. I love when Sunday rolls around.
• And then every thought of my family, near and far. I love them all so much.

I am getting all smiley and happy just writing all of these wonderful blessings.

What are your happy thoughts...

Dear Meg

I read your posts today. I wanted to call. But I haven't. And now it is really late.
This verse of scripture has been on my mind all day. I know you feel blessed and humbled, so maybe you won't need this. But reading this always leaves me comforted and uplifted. Especially when my faith is being tested.
I love you.
Nicole


Doctrine & Covenants 122:7
The word of the Lord to Joseph Smith the prophet, while he was a prisoner in the jail at Liberty, Missouri.

7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

(italics added)

A Walk

We went for a walk today because it felt sort of like spring. Sort of.
By the end Weston was crying because his hands were cold and he wanted gloves. So yeah, not quite spring.
But it was sunny and in my mind I always associate sun with warmth. You'd think 9 years in Utah would have cured me of that. (9 years?! I'll leave that discussion to another post)
It sure was great to be outside.

Unexpected

My sister called me today and asked if her and Kapria could come by.
'Yes, yes, please do!!'

I love unexpected visits. Especially on days when Jeff doesn't get home until 10 pm. On days when I have had waaay too little sleep and one of my kiddos is not feeling well and the other kiddo is teething. On days when I just feel like I am doing everything horribly and doing nothing all at once. On days when I just need an adult to talk to and be with.

Thank you, Shar, for helping my day be happy. For listening and hanging out and being okay with the crazy state of my house. For being willing to stay for dinner, even though it was fast food, and then taking time to clean up for me.
Thank you for having an idea to come visit, and then doing it.
Thank you for loving me and loving my boys.
I really needed that today.

Cracked

Yesterday I talked about being cheerful and how I would try to be more cheerful.
Well. You know you will be put to the test when you make up your mind about something.

Today I hopped in my car and started driving. I looked out the windshield...then I looked at the windshield.
Yea, there is a huge horizontal crack over half of it.

Me: "There's a crack!! Darn it-- there's a crack!!" (no cheer in that statement)
Weston: "Here mommy, I kiss it better."

There you go. My cheerfulness was back. How can you not smile at that.
Wouldn't it be nice if a kiss really did fix my windshield.
Well, since it can't, at least it fixed me. :)

My sweet friend, Emily, left an awesome comment on my last post. She gave a quote that I just have to share:

"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances." - Martha Washington

Thank you. I needed this.

Cheerful

Tonight Jeff looked at me, smiled, and told me that I had been very cheerful today.
I looked back at him, smiled, got all warm inside, and said thank you.

And I decided I wanted to have many more cheerful days.

Because even though my little boy was sick today and I was tired and didn't get nearly enough done, it was a great day.

Here are some Cheerful thoughts that are good reminders to me:

A happy woman is one who has no cares at all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn't let them get her down. -Beverly Sills

Wondrous is the strength of cheerfulness, and its power of endurance - the cheerful man will do more in the same time, will do it better, will preserve it longer, than the sad or sullen. -Thomas Carlyle

There is no personal charm so great as the charm of a cheerful temperament. -Henry Van Dyke

Have a cheerful day!

Happily Ever After...

This day, 29 years ago
My parents made a decision that would change their lives and make mine.
How lucky I am that they did.

Love is a beautiful thing.
Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad.

Loved

Sometimes I don't always say things the way I mean them. Sometimes I can't think of exactly the right way to tell you how I feel. Sometimes there just aren't words enough.

So I say 'I love you' and I hope that you can hear everything else that they are meant to say as well:
Thank you for taking care of our family. Thank you for working so hard and smiling when you get home. Thank you for providing for us so that I can stay home with our boys. Thank you for understanding when I need a break. You look fabulous tonight. When you smiled at me across the table and laughed with our boys, I fell in love with you all over again. I am so sorry. Welcome home. Drive safely. Hello, handsome.
You are such a wonderful dad. Thank you for making me feel special and beautiful every single day.
And a thousand other things that you don't always hear.

But I hope that sometimes 'I love you' really is enough.

Kissed

I slipped and fell on the ice today.

Umm, yeah, not my finest moment. I'm still hoping none of my neighbors saw, but it's one of those embarassing moments that couldn't have escaped being seen by someone, somewhere.

I hopped up quickly and continued to run into my house like nothing had happened, but really -

My hand really smarted. That's the only word I can think of. A lot.

And my side, well, I think it'll be purple for the next week.

And my knee. My knee is the worst. It's swollen. And painful.

I watched Kapria today... you can imagine how hard it was with 3 kiddos and a hurt knee. I usually spend the entire day on my knees.

I still did today, it just hurt more than usual.

Tonight I was showing Jeff my battle wound. (Ha, what battle, it was a masacre: me against the ice and I lost big-time)

I was saying how much it hurt when Weston ran up to me and kissed my bare, swollen, bruised knee.

It was so sweet and so perfect.

And it felt better immediately.

Amazing how that happens.

Beautiful music

Weston was playing with the things on my desk this morning.
He grabbed a cd, looked at it thoughtfully, and then said
"Mommy, this Josh Groban. Listen to Josh Groban."
What?! My two year old recognizes and likes Josh Groban.
It's pretty awesome when your kid appreciates the music you do.
Because usually we're singing kiddo songs over and over and over.
It was a very nice change.

Create

I've already posted about handmade things on our family blog. But this is my blog and so I wanted to talk about it again.

Because tonight I got out my buttons and my wire and I went to town creating.
I love taking materials that are just sort of okay on their own and then seeing them become something wonderful when you put it all together.
There is a beauty in creating something from scratch that just doesn't come from buying an object at a store. (Although I do love shopping too, for very different reasons. And I wouldn't want to make everything. Just some things.)
I think what I love about the entire creation process is that when I am done, something exists that wasn't there before. And there will never be a piece exactly the same. Because I am continually growing and changing, as are my interests and therefore my art.

I wonder what I'll make tomorrow.

Listen

lis⋅ten: verb, to pay attention; heed; obey (often fol. by to): Children don't always listen to their parents.

I watched my adorable little niece today. She is so sweet and so funny. And she has a little bit of an attitude.

For example:
Kapria- walks over to the stairs and then looks at me.
Me - "Kapria, we need to stay down here. The boys are sleeping. You can go up later."
K - starts climbing the stairs and then looks at me.
Me - "Kapria, please stay with Aunt Nicole." (why do we talk about ourselves in the 3rd person?)
K- keeps climbing higher and then looks at me.
Me - "Kapria, please come back."
K - just stands there looking at me, deciding whether she's going to listen. And then she keeps climbing.
Me - Go get her and block the stairs.

It was pretty funny. Especially the look she would give me. The look that said "I know what you are saying and I'm thinking about it, but really I'm not going to listen to you."

I wonder how often I do that to Heavenly Father. I say "I hear you and I understand you, but I don't really want to do what you say." And then he has to block my path with some kind of trial, or detour, which is something he would rather not do, but he has to because I wouldn't listen.

For me ~ listening = hearing + doing.

Isnt' it wonderful what you can learn from an 18 month old.

Wrapped

Yesterday I was having one of those days.
One of those days where I am upset for really ridiculous reasons and then I get even more upset because I'm mad at myself for being upset. Pretty lame. Sometimes being a girl is just like that.
I could go into the details and the drama, but honestly I was just grouchy and I have no one to blame but myself.
As I brought Weston into the bathroom to brush his teeth, I spotted something on the counter. Could it actually be - A present, for me?? Today??
Yes, it was. And not only was it a present, but there was a super sweet note from my dear sister in law. Little did she know that this gift was just what I needed.

I have been thinking today about loving people. About a note, a smile, a small gesture of kindess that just might make someone's day. I decided that every time I put on my delicious, wonderful, very favorite flavor of lotion-- I am going to do something nice for someone else.
And who knows...maybe for them it will have been one of those days. And it will make their day.

ps. This lotion is THE best. Bath and Body Works discontinued it a couple of years back and I have been slowly savoring the last little itty bit that I had. Then, miracle of miracles, it came back this year!! Who knew they did that? Not me. But they do and it is here and now I have some and I will be going back for more before it is gone again. Curse these marketing ploys...but they are working.

Midnight Moments

One of Jeff's co-workers told us that some of their favorite pictures have come from those 2 a.m. wake-up calls with babies.
We thought that was kind of a fun idea, but never got around to grabbing the camera.

Lately Tave has been teething. He has had a hard time sleeping but that doesn't deter his infectious grin and adorable giggle. So we thought we'd catch some of it on camera.

I wanted to remind myself that while I absolutely, 100% love my 'beauty' rest...these days will pass too quickly and I should enjoy every sweet moment, even when they come at midnight.

Isn't he worth it?!

Lost

So tonight Jeff and I experienced the beauty of Hawaii right from the comfort of our bed.
We just started watching 'Lost'. (A little behind, I know)
Yes, we are hooked and yes, we just watched 3 episodes in a row.
Ahhh, the beauty of TV on DVD.

Imagination

One of the most wonderful parts of my day is getting to pretend.
Weston is developing such a fun and silly imagination.

Today we brought a bug home from the store.
He had an exciting car-ride home with us, in which he was passed from Weston to Mom to Weston to Dad. He helped Dad drive the rest of the way home. Quite the trip for a little bug.
We pet him, said he was 'oh so cute.'
Then he had a delicious dinner of pizza crumbs..just what every bug loves.
Then he was left to wander and play on his own because Weston's 'Weston-size Bed' had to be put together and that is so much more exciting than a bug. Sad, but true.

Thanks Mr. bug for spending such a happy evening with us.

Expecting

Today, every time my phone rang I raced to see who it was.
My sister and my sister-in-law are expecting baby boys any day.
I am so excited.
No matter how many nieces and nephews join our growing family, this feeling will never, ever grow old. It is the anticipation of meeting them, the joy of their arrival, and the complete awe and beauty of seeing another little miracle from heaven.
Little baby boys, we cannot wait to meet you!

Sight

"No eyes that have seen beauty ever lose their sight."

~Jean Toomer

I went to the eye-doctor today. I have always been afraid of going blind. One of those crazy, unfounded fears of mine. Everything checked out okay for my prescription and such. Then at the end the Dr. asked if he could dilate my eyes to check on their 'health'.

I immediately started worrying to myself. "What if they aren't healthy, what if he tells me I'll be blind by the time I'm 30? What if, what if, what if."

Then I had to laugh at myself. I'm such a worry-er. So I stopped worrying.

I decided, instead, to think about what a blessing my sight has been.

Some of my favorite sights are:

Waking up to seeing my husband next to me. And his eyes. And his smile. And just him.

Walking into the boys room and seeing those adorable little grins and arms reaching out to be picked up.

A sunrise or sunset. They are so different, but equally beautiful.

Even better: a sunrise/sunset on the beach.

The snow covered mountains. They take my breath away.

Family. Every single one of them.

People hugging.

People laughing. What an uplifting sight.

A rainbow after it rains.

The first spring blossoms.

A clean room. A clean kitchen. A clean house.

Folded piles of laundry.

The view from an airplane window. (especially when they are clouds)

My boys discovering something new.

Daddies with their kiddos.

An expectant momma.

Couples holding hands.

A brand new baby.

My brand new babies.

Weston kissing and hugging his little brother.

Tave's scrunchy-nose face.

My hubby when he walks in the door after work.

My boys (all 3 of them) laughing together.

Family again. Parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles ~ I just love seeing all of them.

Anything that makes my boys happy.

I have been blessed to see so much beauty in my life.

(and still will be...my eyes checked out fine)

Cookies

Being a mom doesn't always come easily. I don't always make the right choices, or say the right things. Some days I just want my house to stay the way I cleaned it and I want to have time to finish my huge stack of unfinished projects.
But I never, ever regret putting aside all of the 'must do's' on my list and sitting down with my kids for some play time.

I realized today that I am happiest when I have helped my little boys to have a happy day.
When I make my day more about them than about me.

Today we played with play-doh. Weston used the rolling pin to make cookies. And then he baked them in the oven. No help or prompting from me. And I couldn't help but be proud of his accomplishment.
We had so much fun squishing and pinching and rolling blue cookies.

After a fun and laughter-filled lunch, I packed up these adorable little boys and we went for a walk. We haven't done that for months. It was cold. (so so so so so cold) But the sun was shining and we needed to get out.
We looked at icicles (I tossed in a mini-science lesson about ice, whoa, getting ambitious!), threw Mr. Incredible in the snow, and slip and slided on the iced-over snow patches.

I know I have a long ways to go, but today I felt like I was a good mom.
And that was a really really great feeling.

Hands

Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven.
~ Henry Ward Beecher

Tave has taken to the piano. Well, really it's this mini piano with only four keys. But these four little keys make his day. And consequently, they make mine. He gives this darling smile and giggle. He could stand there all day - just pounding away.

When I look at his hands, I do see a part of heaven. I see my little boy and endless possibilities. I love when those hands reach for me to pick him up, when they wrap around my fingers, when they grab some of my hair, and when they clap in delight.

I love kissing each of his little fingers and wondering what good those hands will do.

And I do feel closer to Heaven.

The beginning...

I have had an on-going conversation with my sweet husband for the past few months. It's about how I want to be a better person, mom, wife, and well...basically I want to be better in every single aspect of who I am.
(I love how I can bounce all of my crazy ideas off of Jeff and he doesn't tell me I'm crazy or have too many things on my to-do list, or that I am being a horrible mom or wife or person. He just listens and encourages. He's so great.)
So one of the things I have been wanting to do is write in my blog-journal daily. Yikes, can I really do that? I don't know, but I want to try.
And this isn't going to be just any journal. This is going to be my Becoming Better journal.
One of the many many ways I am trying to become better is by being more optimistic. By seeing the beauty around me and recognizing the blessings I have right now.

I'm not gaurantee-ing a picture-a-day. But I will write every day and I will *try* to post a picture of the beauty I found in that day: the little things that help me to be a little better and brighter.

I was talking to my aunt and telling her I was late in starting my 'betterment' project. "Well, use this month (January) as your planning month and then get started in February. You just needed to figure things out."
So, that's what I've been doing: figuring things out. Pondering my goals and setting up a plan so I will succeed. And now I am ready.

Here is the beginning of a really fabulous year:
A year of learning and growing. A year of blessings and beauty.
A year of my life. One day at a time.