Stuff

In my blog browsing today, I came upon a link to the blog Pancakes & Frenchfries.  I've never read her writings before and I don't think I'll follow a stranger. But I also don't think it was just a coincidence that I happened upon this particular post entitled Unstyled Life.
If you don't feel like reading it (though you should), she writes about a friend whose parents both died. It doesn't give specifics about their death, she talks more about the after. The cleaning up and going through all of their belongings. What if someone were to have to do that for you?
It was very thought provoking and made me think about how much STUFF we have that we don't need or use.
Then I read this comment from a  reader:

The more stuff you own, the more it owns you. I hope to always have what I need, but not much more. It’s part of why I like owning a small house, because it forces you to only keep what’s necessary. I don’t have a ton of room for junk. Honestly, if I could find a smaller house I would be even happier.



It was like a bolt of lightening lit up the room and I realized that I can be like that.  I can appreciate this house that is getting too small, that we will be bringing another baby home to. Another person to fill it with their junk, or not. I can be so very glad that we live here, because it can help me to become the organized, minimalist person that I want to be inside but haven't been able to translate to reality.
So I am off to purge some closets and truly get rid of those things that have been sitting, waiting for their day to be useful. Because it's not happening at my house, so I might as well give them their chance at another's.

Thankful Thoughts 3

Our disposal has been out. You don't realize how much you use something until you can't. 
So tonight I am beyond thankful for a husband who does the dirty jobs.
Cleaning out and fixing the disposal, taking out the trash, the diapers, the nasty stinky things, fixing the toilet, cleaning out our clogged up drains.
If it is gross, it is his job.
I know he doesn't like it, but he does it.
Because he loves me.
and I love him all the more for it.

Thankful Thoughts 2

This is going to be brief because I am so tired.
But today I am so thankful for technology. For the ability we have to keep in touch with those we love who live far-away. Between blogs, facebook, the telephone, texting, email, etc..we are able to know and see what's going on in their daily lives. I know there are definite negatives to all of this technology, but right now I am feeling so blessed that I have relationships with people I never would get to see or meet or visit very often, otherwise.

Thankful Thoughts

Well, there is no better way to get started again after a 2 month hiatus then to just get to it.
Since November is the wonderful month of Gratitude, I thought I would post my daily thankful thoughts.
My days have been long and tiring and it is so hard having Jeff gone as much as he is. SO. HARD.
This will be good for me to recognize that great blessings are mine and I have the choice to appreciate them or bask in self pity. I'm choosing the former.

My thankful thoughts today are centered on our health.
In a world full of scary things like cancer, major dietary allergies, and every type of disorder you can imagine, all five of us have our health. Wow. That is pretty amazing.
We have been blessed with  bodies that can walk, run, exercise, play hard, and do pretty much anything we ask of them physically. (age appropriate of course)
I have recently read of so many families whose children are born with heart defects, missing genetics that cause rare diseases, cancer, and loss of limbs, burn victims, and a plethora problems.  My heart goes out to them. I do not truly understand their pain and the daily frustrations they live with. But I sincerely pray for them, and hold my boys a little tighter when I realize how fortunate we are.
Trials come in many sorts and sizes.
I am so grateful that we have been blessed with our health.

What dreams may come...

So I dream pretty much every night. Usually they are crazy and I only remember bits and pieces.
A few nights ago, however, I remembered everything.
Because I dreamed I was having triplets.
Yup, triplets.
You'd think that I would be freaking out in my dream state.
I mean, three babies at once - how would I feed them, bathe them, care for them, and oh yeah - take care of my other three children. (all while Jeff is in permanent school/work mode)
But nope.
I wasn't worried about any of that.
The one and only thing I was worried about was what to name them.
Remember how we always have the hardest time naming our kids.
Well try naming three at once.
hahahaha.
It was really funny.
And in case you wondering, I now know what I will name 1 girl and 2 boys or 2 girls and 1 boy.
My dream mind was still working on three of the same gender.

ps this is not an announcement!

Everyday Miracles

A little while back Jeff and I  made the decision for me to stop selling my handmade items. It seemed like an easy choice at the time - I had so many orders over the holidays last year that all my spare time was spent crocheting. It was a blessing, but it also was a burden on my little family and they missed out on having their mommy around for Christmas. Oh I was there, but I wasn't really there.  
You can read more about that decision here.
Well...a few weeks ago I received an email from Bijou Market inviting me to apply for a spot in the upcoming market. I have done their Fall Holiday Market for the past 2 years and it has always been a great source of income for our family. At Christmas time, that is especially welcome and we have made more than enough to cover all of Christmas/traveling/etc.
So the thoughts started rolling around in my brain:  How can we make this work? What if I just stick to the owl rattles and the hats? What if I spend X amount of time per week and don't do custom orders....etc, etc.
You get the idea.  We contemplated all of our options and were leaning towards doing the market.
Just this last one. To help. With Christmas.
Except.
Except we had prayed. We had made this decision before.
We felt the peace that comes from knowing we made the right choice.
And that wouldn't go away.
I struggled for a few days.
We are doing okay financially, Jeff has a steady, good job. But we are students. Looking at 3 more years of debt. And this would help with that as well.
What to do...what to do...
Then I read these beautiful words from my sister in her post: Lately.  (Go read it. Please.)
She quoted me. She quoted my post about choosing not to work.
And I knew without a doubt that the decision we had made months ago still applied today.
We felt that beautiful peace again and we knew that we could make it work.
Somehow.

Last week, the everyday miracle came.
The assurance that we made the right choice for our little family and our sweet boys.
Jeff's doctorate started this month.  He has to have at least two internships. This while teaching seminary 3/4 time and taking full time classes.  Usually, they have to be unpaid internships (due to S&I (Jeff's work) rules).

He was called by one of the professors in his program who we respect very much.  (He is also in our ward and we adore his family.)
This Professor offered him a paid internship.
And Jeff's work approved.

I mentioned to Jeff that this might have been an answer to prayer and to our decision for me not to work.
Then on Sunday, that *might have been* turned into reality.  For a rare moment I was in Sacrament with only one child.  Tave was sitting quietly and I was able to really listen to the talk.  A sister in our ward spoke on recognizing the everyday miracles that occur in our lives.
I loved her thoughts and what she shared.
But I loved more, the overwhelming Spirit I felt that told me that the blessing of the internship was a direct result of our choice.
Tears came to my eyes and my heart was full.


Heavenly Father knows our family. He knows are needs.
I know that we are being blessed because we chose for my work to be our children.

I am truly in awe of the miracles that occur, daily, in our lives.

In which I let you in on a secret...don't judge me

So I heard something today that made me stop and think. A lot.

And it is this:  Shouting/yelling is the new spanking

I get it. And I think I do it.
 I haven't meant to. These precious little  people in my home are my life. They are THE most important part of me. I love them more than I ever ever thought possible.
So why do I end up being crazy-yelling mom way more often than crazy-fun mom?
When did that happen?  


I read two different articles tonight that brought me to this realization.
And I want to change.

This first article is awesome. She explains the things that she is doing to try to be better.  And I love that. I love that I am not alone. I think I fill my life with so many things that 'have to get done' that I forget to relax and just ENJOY my kids.  And then crazy-yelling mom comes out because I am so stressed with getting everything else finished and my kids are preventing those things from happening when or how I think they should. When in reality, three little boys are the most important part of my agenda.

The next article reminded me that how we act is a choice. The way my home feels is important to me. I want it to be somewhere our family feels is safe. Somewhere we all feel valued, loved, appreciated, cared, for, safe and secure. The place we can come to where we will be understood and listened to.

We have been having serious issues with listening and obeying in our home. I have been SO. FRUSTRATED. I really don't know how to emphasize that anymore. Some days I want to go scream in my room, pull out my hair, and stamp my foot on the floor. Or better yet, throw my own tantrum. Which is what yelling is. My own tantrum.
I realized tonight that this 'listening & obeying' issue  is probably a result of my lack of communication skills. (aka: yelling) It may not be entirely my fault (vacations, lack of sleep, lack of schedule, house remodel, and lots of visitors have most likely also been a factor) but I am definitely not helping to make it any better.
So tonight I am:
Setting a goal
Finding my triggers
Coming up with a positive first response
And praying that I can be a better mom

This whole motherhood thing is so much more than I ever thought it would be. More tears, more smiles, more frustrations, more joys, more trials, more hope, more change, more failure, more love. Definitely more love. I hope that no matter how good or bad I may be...they always always feel how much I love them.


(READ THE FIRST ARTICLE...she describes things so well and has GREAT ideas for how to be better and change)

Sister

Weston really wants a sister. He talks about it a lot.  And not that he doesn't love his brothers. He LOVES them so much. I couldn't ask for a better big brother. He is so sweet and kind to them and truly tries to take care of them. However, we have 'sister' conversations about 1-2 times a week. Here was the latest:

Weston:  Mom, are you pregnant?
Me:  No, do I look pregnant?  (thinking to myself, I BETTER not look pregnant, I have been working waay too hard to lose weight!)
Weston:  No, you don't. I just really want a sister.
Me:  Oh. Okay, well, we can pray to Heavenly Father and ask him for a sister next. But we will take whatever baby he wants us to have.
Weston: Yeah, but if we get a sister we get to get so many cute things for her. And she'll be so cute.  (think of him saying cute in this higher pitched, sweet voice.)
Me: Yup, that would be so fun. :)
Weston: Yeah...