What (not) to say

I have really gotten some funny comments lately. Yes, I realize that my tummy literally looks like I have swallowed an entire watermelon.
However, do I really need to be reminded of that multiple times a day? I usually just laugh it off and then proceed to tell Jeff & my sister about each and every comment. (maybe in a somewhat whiny voice...I guess I'm not as good at laughing it off as I want to be. I'll work on that)
So here's to me:

Dear self in 20 years,

You haven't been pregnant in about 20 years, so you might have forgotton how it feels to get bigger and bigger and yes, even bigger than you ever thought our body could be. You also might have forgotten how uncomfortable and squished you feel, in particular that last month. And you may even have forgotton that you just feel completely unattractive no matter how many different outfits you try on. But I don't think you will have forgotten what an incredible feeling it is to have someone growing inside you. A special, wonderful little person that you just cannot wait to meet. I don't think you will ever forget those tender, sweet moments when you and Jeff watched that little one dance around your tummy. And you most definitely will remember how excited you were for that little guy to just make his appearance already.
So self, with some of those things in mind, here are a few pointers on what (not) to say to an expectant mom...particuarly one who is due soon.

What NOT to say:

Wow, you look like you're going to pop! (umm, am I really a balloon? Yeah, didn't think so)
Oh, look at that waddle. (oh what, now I'm a duck?)
You look miserable. (really? Because I'm not the most comfortable, but I do love that I'm going to have a baby. No really, I do.)
Laughing. You have a watermelon in there. (last time I checked it was just a baby)
Bet you can't wait to pop that baby out. (it's more of a push actually)
You are HUGE! (and all this time I thought I'd lose weight when I got pregant)
Look at that basketball! (I think I preferred the watermelon)

What to say:

You must be so excited to meet him!
How are you feeling?
How are the boys/hubby?
Do you have a name picked out? (in case you forget, this is one question you could talk about for hours)
When is your baby due? (very tactful..especially since they may not be as far along as they look)
Do you need any help?
Can I bring you a meal. Actually, I am bringing you a meal, I am sure you need a break. (do this. it will be such a help)
You look great!! Seriously, you look so cute pregnant. (even if this is not true, it is the nicest thing to say. period.)
You make pregnancy look inviting. (you just made my day)
You look like a model for expectant moms. I saw a show on tv with pregnant models and you really could be one of them. (okay, this just made my entire pregnancy)

So self, when you have long forgotten the woes of pregnancy (becuase they do fade and just the happy wonderful moments stand out) please remember that under that very large, very round, very watermelon-esque belly, there is a mom who just wants to feel cute. Who just wants to make it through the heat of being pregnant in July. And who just wants to meet her baby. All without the daily reminders that she is getting bigger, looking less cute, and looking pretty much miserable. Point out the good and remind her that she is a part of something incredible.
And if you can't do that, just smile and serve.

Love,
Your very pregnant 20 years younger self

ps. every single one of these comments come from actual experience
ps again. if any of you happened to make a comment that is on the NOT list...don't worry, I am very forgetful when I'm pregnant so I don't remember who said what