Mommy moment...

After I fed Tave this morning I laid him beside me and tried to go back to sleep. Little fingers gently touched my cheek and I slowly opened my eyes. Tave broke into a huge grin. I smiled back and said 'hey buddy, let's sleep a little bit more, okay?!'
I closed my eyes.
Again, little fingers reached for my face and gently brushed my cheek. I opened my eyes to yet another huge grin. So we talked, Tave and I. We talked about what we would do with the day, if we should go get Weston up, and how much we miss daddy on mornings like this. We talked and smiled, and my little guy kept reaching for me. He hasn't (intentionally) done that before.
What a perfect way to say hello to the day.

Later this morning, I was feeding Tave. (yes, again...) Weston came over and asked to 'hold baby please'. How could I resist? He gave Tave a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then he was done. Then he gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek. Again, perfection.

It's on days like this that I am reminded what a blessing it is to be a mom. My little boys' mom. And how precious the time is that I have with them. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Visiting my memories...

I grew up near the beach. I'm not going to claim that I 'lived' on the beach or that I went there every spare moment I had. No, I only wish I had. I didn't think, back then, that I would ever live away from it. And so I took it for granted. I knew it was there- this beautiful vast ocean- and I did visit often: making trips for family night, laying out on the sand with my aunt, fireworks celebrations, bbq's, and having bonfires at night with friends. Some of my most cherished memories are etched in sand.
And now that I live amidst mountains (and snow) I am realizing just what I am missing. And how precious my memories are.

The smell of salt in the air, the slight breeze that tugs across my skin, and the soft roar of the waves welcome me back with each visit I make . This is the ocean's way of saying hello. I breathe in deeply and feel the rest of the world fading away.
As I slip off my shoes and step onto the sand my toes wriggle into the warmth. I slowly walk across the stretch of sand, taking in the palm trees, life guard towers, and people. People! Everywhere. It's good to be back. I watch a group of seagulls searching the sand for some leftover tidbits. They are as much a part of this scene as the sand and the waves. And so I am glad to see them. They quickly take flight as children race towards them.
I glance over at the waves crashing against the jetty. Little boys play amongst the rocks, seeing who can go out the farthest.
The roar of the waves gets louder and louder as I make my way towards the ocean.
It's time to test out the water. I walk to where the waves meet the sand. And I wait. It's coming. The small wave washes over my feet and I gasp. It's always colder than I think. But refreshing. So refreshing.
I stand there as the wave retreats and, little by little, the sand falls from under my feet. The waves come again and again.
I can feel the ocean teasing me, whispering for me to come in a little bit further.

It's beauty captivates me and draws me in. Time and time again.

I love the beach for it's ability to:

wash away the 'dirt',

let me contemplate life,

allow me to run with reckless abandon,

and laugh. Just laugh.

I am so glad I've been able to share one of my most beloved places with my guys.
Can't wait to take the rest of them!

A little bit further...

than yesterday!

I have been jogging now for about 5 weeks. Fairly consecutively. By consecutive I mean that I have been going 4 times/week. Not as great as 5 but definitely better than 3. So. Here I am.
I didn't used to like running. or jogging. In fact, I think I can say that I hated it. Yes. I can definitely say that. Here is my jogging story:

After I had Weston I was stuck in a rut.
An I-am-stuck-at-this-**$#@-weight-and-I-will-NEVER-get-it-off RUT.
Yeah, one of those!
My friend had her baby and she looked A-mazing. And she gained a lot of weight during her pregnancy. (I can say that because she says it herself) She gained more than I did and yet, here she was, looking fantastic. So we were talking one day and she told me she went jogging. Sigh. Gasp. Ug. I. Don't. Jog. So, that's it. I'm stuck with this weight for-ev-er.
But she insisted that she hadn't been a jogger, either. She just set goals for herself. One day she would jog two blocks, the next day an extra block, etc etc...until one day she jogged all the way to the high school. The next time she jogged all the way to and from the high school. Until pretty soon she was jogging the entire time.
Okay, I thought. Maybe I can do this. So I started jogging. Well, really I started walking with a block here and there of jogging.

And something happened.

As I began to jog a little bit further and a little bit faster I actually felt good. In fact, I felt great! Each new day brought a new challenge: to go a little bit further, a little bit longer. It was wonderful. And I lost weight. Cue choirs and music! Hallelujah!!!
But the best part was: I learned that I liked jogging.
What? But I hated jogging?! Nope. I realized that I had hated it because I wasn't good at it. I wasn't good at it because I didn't do it.
So. I may not be a very fast jogger or go as far as some people.
But I go.
And I like it.
Today, I jogged farther than I have since I had Tave. And, I ended it with a sprint. Jeff taught me that.
It was great.

Picture copyright of Imagine Learning

Here is the cover of my poem!!!
I can't get over the fact that MY name is on the cover. How cool is that?
Very, I tell you, VERY cool!

I had the opportunity, thanks to my fab. sister, to write two stories for Imagine Learning.
It was a very interesting, exciting, and sometimes frustrating experience. I definitely learned a LOT about the writing process.

Here are a few things I learned from this fantastic writing experience:

• It is hard to feel and be creative when there are criteria to meet.
• Research is essential. Annoying, but essential.
• The story you begin with is NOT the story you will end with. You have to be open to wherever the story wants to take you.
• Revise, revise, revise.
• Rhyming is not the only way to write a poem. And it is, in fact, extremely difficult to write a rhyming poem. (especially when fitting in words like rainforest, canopy, emergent trees, etc!)
• Free-verse poetry is THE way to go. I felt like I had much more control over what I said and did. I loved coming up with a rhythm to my story.
• Editors are just as, if not more, important than the authors. They make the author look good!
• Sometimes things have to be changed to make the story better. It hurts, but it makes a difference.
  
• My sister is an AmaZinG editor. She gave fabulous feedback and made my story what it is. I definitely think her name should be on the cover with mine, but she said that's what editors do.
• She is also an amazing writer. I want to be like her when I grow up... :)
  
• I have TONS to learn about writing. I have my life to learn it.
  

Thank you, Shar:
For giving me this amazing opportunity
For being excited to see my name on a cover
For making my story what it is

FYI:
Imagine Learning is a company who creates software that teaches children how to read English.
My stories (I wrote 2 of them) are not in actual book form, they are on the computer. I am trying to get them printed for myself, but they won't be seen on bookshelves. :(
IF I can, I will post them. But for copyright purposes, I'm not sure if I can.
However, I learned a lot from this experience and was so grateful to have the opportunity.
My sister has written many more stories for Imagine Learning and far outshines me in the writing department! Thanks again.

And thanks to all of you who are so excited for me. Even though these won't be seen publicly, it is a start! Maybe someday you'll see my children's books and novels out there!

Another Year...

has slipped through my fingers.
It flew by as a whirlwind of fun trips, late nights, movies, dates with my wonderful husband, and family get togethers I never want to forget. It escaped through intriguing books I couldn't put down, t.v. shows that captured my attention, music that inspired my soul, and my late-night obsession of 'catching up' with old friends. (yes, I'm talking about blogging!) It tiptoed around sweet goodnight whispers and cuddles with my growing little boy, sleepless nights with my new little one, and those wonderfully crazy, beautiful, emotional moments that come with pregnancy, delivery, and motherhood. It laughed over good times and bad times and every other moment that is etched into who I have become in this year. How can I fault such a swift passing when I packed it so full of wonder and life?

So here I am: staring my 29th year straight in the face; challenging it to be louder, grander, and more wonderful than all of my other 28 years put together. It just feels a little bit odd.
I don't consider myself old. And when I say the number: twenty-eight, I don't think it's an old number. I definitely know that I have so much of life ahead of me. SO, I am not facing some mid-life crisis over the number that I am now.

It's just different than 27.

And I think this is why: when I graduated from high school and left for college, I thought, "hmmm...I wonder where I'll be in 10 years." (Why do we speak in terms of 10 years? Is is because it's an even number? It's a decade? I don't know, but that is always my projected 'I wonder' thought..) And now, NOW, that '10 years' is here and I know what I am doing. No. More. Wondering.
Like I said: just a little bit odd.
I'll admit- I am doing some pretty great things. I am doing some pretty fantastic things actually. But I never pictured what these fantastic things would be. 1o years ago my sweet husband and precious boys didn't have faces, thoughts, and personalities. My 'dream' home didn't have our pictures hung on the wall, memories in every corner, and loved ones stopping by. I had no idea what my dreams would look like, feel like, and be. And now I do.

So, this turning 28 thing is giving me the next "I wonder where I'll be in 10 years." It's giving me the chance to look back and realize that I have met so many incredible, amazing people. I have done things I loved, things I didn't love, and things I would do over and over again if I could. It's giving me the chance to look forward and realize that since I do have so many wonderful, amazing, challenging, exciting years ahead- I better make myself the best I can be.

I want this year to be the year of discovery: discovering the hidden talent I never knew I had, discovering the strength and ability I have to overcome weaknesses, discovering the beauty of each moment of my little boys' lives, discovering, even more, how amazing my sweet husband is, discovering new depth, understanding, and love for my family and friends, and discovering how truly wondrous this life is.

As a result of this 29th-year-challenge I decided to start it off right. I packed up my kiddos in our grand ol' double jogger and went jogging. I pushed myself to run farther and just a little bit faster than I did the day before.
And it felt great.
I can already tell it's going to be an incredible year.

To be happy

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~ Charles Gordy

Jeff and I were able to hear Mary Ellen Edmunds speak recently. I LOVE her. I love her positive outlook on life, how she finds humor in the most difficult of situations, and how she laughs. She is a firm believer in the idea that we CHOOSE happiness. I couldn't agree more. Why, oh why, do we so often choose to be miserable? It's not fun, we don't feel good, and we are not HAPPY!
I decided, that day, to take charge of my happiness, to look at the things that I am {un}happy about and choose to be happy. We can find misery wherever we look, but we can also find happiness.
For example: I am {un}happy with this post-pregnancy body! Ooooooohh, BAD thought! Ding ding ding. Let's turn that around:

• I am HAPPY that I am working so hard to get in shape.
• I am HAPPY that my sweet husband was thrilled to spend $200 on a nice, new double jogger!
• I am HAPPY that my husband cares enough about me to go jogging with me whenever I ask him.
• I am HAPPY that my adorable little boys LOVE to ride in our fab. stroller and make it so easy to go!
• I am Happy that I am already noticing a difference in how I look and feel!
• I am HAPPY that I can jog faster and longer than I could 3 weeks ago!

Wow.. do you notice what happened? Out of one, measly misery came an abundance of happiness!!!! Now maybe I'm having my own, personal epiphany here... but just think: when we choose to have even a few {un}happy thoughts, we are denying ourselves at least twice as many happy thoughts! (In my example it is 6x's as much!) So WHY do I continually choose the misery? Well..NO MORE. I am taking the HAPPY challenge: to recognize that I have a choice in MY happiness, and to CHOOSE it! Will You?! I am determined to find joy in my every day moments!

Things that make me happy:

• My sweet, wonderful, amazing husband who always makes me feel loved.
• Two darling little boys who laugh and smile and play with me all day.
• Family (wherever you may be): thinking of them, talking with them, having fun with them, loving them.
• Brushing my teeth. It just feels great.
• Staying in bed a few minutes longer in the morning. ahh...I LOVE my sleep!
• A sunny day with a slight breeze rustling through my hair and dancing on my skin: perfection.
• Painted toenails.
• Swimming pools.
• Shopping. I admit it: I lu-uve to shop. For my boys, my hubby, my family, my friends, myself. I love love love it.
• Snuggling into the lovesack with a good book and a bowl of ice cream.
  
• And, of course, jogging.
  

I am getting all warm and fuzzy inside just thinking about the things that make me happy. Isn't it great?! What makes you happy?

Take a stroll...

I love writing. I love living. So here I am to write about the things I live. To capture those experiences that I never want to forget, to leave a little bit of my heart on the page. If it is mostly the little things that make up our lives, then it is the little things I want to hold onto and keep close. Enjoy taking a walk through my thoughts. We might learn a little of each other.